"My vision went black. My knees buckled. I collapsed the bench, head in hands, trying to make the world straight again. My stomach only turned."
Girl. 21 years old. For the last four months, I've been in treatment for my eating disorder. This is me trying to figure out how I got here. This is me trying to figure out where I'm going. This is me trying to make sense of myself.
It was an hour before softball practice.
I sat down in my basement, with a bowl of mac n’ cheese before me.
It was my first day of softball camp for ninth graders.
There were 280 calories in the mac n’ cheese.
I wanted to be good.
I wanted to be thinner.
I didn’t want to fuck up.
So I ate my lunch and went to practice.
Half way through, my vision went black. My knees buckled. I collapsed on the bench, hand in my head, trying to make the world straight again. My stomach only turned.